I am Tallulah

What has happened to my links for Favourites and Content Pages? I click on them, and get "That page does not exist. You probably followed an outdated link."

 

Uh, well, yeah, I kinda figured that one out myself. The question is, how do I fix it?

 

 

:-/

Check out my new shop, www.cafepress.com/talliescreation . Great designs, and more to come.

Have spent part of today setting up yet another network page. So now there's my myspace, my bebo, my netlog, and my facebook. Not sure how I'm going to utilize them for advertising, but will see what I come up with in the next little while. Feel free to visit!

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Am feeling ambivalent these days. Partly my lack of sleep, no doubt, and partly something else. Not sure what it is, but yesterday I actually felt... out of sync with myself. I would type and the words wouldn't spell right, and I'd try to formulate thoughts and would end up losing the plot.

Went to the doctor this afternoon to renew my prescription. My BP is up and he was a bit concerned. That would really mess things up if I have to go on meds. I can't afford it. That just seemed to add to the increasing tension that fills me these days.

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I wonder why am I going back to the UK this year. I know it's to see S. but there is a small part of me that almost wants to cancel the trip this year. I can't really afford it, if I am going to pay for the few things that do need accomplishing. Yet, if I don't go, it may be my last chance to spend time with S. Because of his cancer, there is no telling if he will be around next year.

Why am I feeling this way? So tired. So unmotivated. So confused.

I have made no other plans than to stay at S. What happens beyond that is up to the universe.

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I am struggling to relinquish this desire to control everything and just let the universe unfold before me.

In the wee hours of this morning, as she enjoyed the camaraderie of friends, a wave of melancholy swept over her, filling her with deep sadness.  The catalyst for this malady was a comment from a friend about attending plays and how he had seen many of them over the years. It surprised her that he was even interested in live theatre, and she wanted to talk about it, but he was sharing this information with the new lady in his life and she did not want to intrude.

 

As she sat there, listening to the conversation, her own recollections of live theatre came flooding back. How she miss those days! No one knew how much she yearned to be an actor then, as she sat enthralled in a darkened theatre, watching the play unfold before her. She would try to absorb every word, every nuance of the play. She would even watch the scene changes with eagerness, trying to learn by osmosis the skills these actors possessed. If she could have had her way, she would have spent every waking moment at the theatre.

 

Things did not work out as she planned them back then.  She never got to follow her dreams of being a stage actor. Duty and responsibility got in the way. Her audience was the people around her as she performed her character on the stage of life. Over time she became very good at it. No one knew how broken she was inside as each dream she had withered and died. Over time she began to accept the reality that it was too late for her to follow her dream.

 

In the wee hours of this morning, a tiny little light inside her flickered and died as the last of her dreams faded to black.

 

© 2008 Tallulah

Posted a short story in the Contents section. You can read it here if you like.

 

Really need to write more short stories. Would like to say they are easier to write than books, but they aren't. Just shorter.