Tuesday
Haven't slept well the last couple of nights. Last night was the worst... too many thoughts running through my head. What ifs... you know the kind... what if I go there this summer and find out it's his last, and it will be our last, and I will have to leave end of summer knowing it's our last, and then...
What ifs... they get to you every time.
Today is the blood tests and setting up the schedule for more tests. I am trying to stay positive for him, but inside I'm scared to death. Thank goodness he doesn't read my blog. I don't want him to know I'm scared.
I keep thinking over his comment in the chat room two nights ago. It was the first negative comment I had heard him mention in over a year. That tells me is worried too.
I have to stay positive! This is not doing anyone any good. Okay, pep talk time: the tests will show that nothing has changed, just that he is run down and the colds are a result of pushing himself too hard and his weak immune system. The "c" will still be in remission, and his pancreas will not be consuming itself as the doc thinks. She will be wrong! He will be okay.
He will be okay!