I am Tallulah

Back on the "diet" bandwagon again. Today was good. I didn't make a production of "I'm on a diet!" this time. Just tried to think like a healthy person would and ate accordingly. Exercised 65 minutes on the treadmill today too.

The plan for exercise is to use the treadmill six days a week, 60 minutes when I don't use free weights, and 30 minutes when I do. The free weights will be every other day. Sunday I will have off.

The diet, if you want to call it that, will be simply healthier eating, more veggies and fruit, less carbs, more protein, and trying to utilize more whole grains, nuts, and low G.I. foods.

Took my blood sugar reading today: 8.6, which is in the high end of the normal range, but I'd prefer it to be in the 5 - 6 range, so I need to watch the carbs, like potatoes, white bread and white rice. If I do have them, I need to balance them with a low G.I. food like beans.

All this is necessary, not just to lose weight, but to keep from developing Type 2 diabetes, which seems to happen in my family as people get older. I want to be healthier when I move to the UK.

Those who know me know that I have been on practically every diet known to man, without much success. So we shall see about this attempt. The reality is, this isn't a short-term diet, but a changing of the way I look at food and the types of food I consume. It is a lifestyle change and maybe that will be the trick.

Only day 2 and already I'm feeling unmotivated. But I did 35 minutes on the treadmill and then did some freeweights. I'll do some crunches tonight before bed. Didn't do too badly on the diet. Had two kinds of beans with dinner which will nicely lower the higher GI foods like the potatoes. And I age a reasonable portion!

Just wish I could get my mind into a positive mode about it. There is an inner battle that rages in my head and I am trying to just ignore the fight and move one step at a time.

Am feeling a bit down, and I know why, but there isn't anything I can do about it. Normally I'd be stuffing food in my face by now, so the fact I'm not has to be a positive move.

This ebay thing isn't working. I honestly don't know how anyone makes real money selling on ebay. The fees add up when you have to relist items, and eventually the profits are eaten up in fees. Plus, these days no one is willing to pay a reasonable price for items. I am not willing to sell vintage clothes for pennies when I know they would net more if I sold them from a shop.

So, if I don't sell via ebay, what to do? I am going to approach a local shop in town and see if they have some space I could rent. Set up a little shop within a shop and see if I can clear out my vintage stuff that way.

I really need to be spending this time in self-employment. I need to have that in place before I go to the UK again, so I will have an income away from this part time church secretary job.

So much to do and so little time to do it. I'm stressing and my indigestion is back. I am obsessing over little health issues and thinking the worst and this has got to stop. I need to focus on positive stuff and push all this negativity away!

Still need to finish writing my trip journal too! Arrrgggghhhhh!!!!

 *deep breaths.... one.... two..... say "I will find a way.... I will find a way......"*

 

"Will this work?"

 

"I don't know, Spunky, just wait and see."

 

"Ooooh, there I am! Don't I look fine! Spunky Katt, Esq."

 

"Uh, yeah... ok. Next one."

 

 

"Hey, Miguel, look! It's you!"

 

"Wow, I look pretty cool laying there! Miguelito Gattito, Esq."

 

"Copy cat!"

 

"Pffffft!"

 

"Boys, please! I have to concentrate!"

 

"Ahhh, there! Saved the best for last! 'Tis I, Sasha!"

 

"Hmmmm Sasha, lookin' good!"

 

"Spunky, quit drooling... she'd beat the snot out of you if you got fresh."

 

"For heaven's sake, will you boys behave! And yes, I would... so cool your jets young man!"

 

"Uh oh, she-who-would-wish-to-be-obeyed is coming! Quick, hit the enter key!"

 

 "I'll do it!"

 

"No, Spunky, let Sasha do it! We have to get back to the room!"

 

"But I wanna do it!"

 

"Boys! Pipe down, get your furry arses back in that room. I have just one more little thing to do.

 

Note for She-who-would-wish-to-be-obeyed: you promised to post our photos but as you were so busy doing whatever it is that you humans do all day, I posted them for you. You can thank me later with a nice back scratch and a few extra cuddles.  =^.^=

This morning I became privy to some information that was disappointing, and made me a bit sad. Seems a former friend saw fit to disparage me, and S., to other people in the chat room. Apparently the former friend had quite a bit to say about us, and felt no compunction to keep his feelings to himself.

 

This from someone I had defended time and again when the same sort of thing was done to him! And I defended him on some very serious allegations, too.

 

I am surprised that no one told me about this before now, and equally surprised no one apparently took any of what he had to say to heart, at least about me. I do think his remarks have clouded their judgement towards S. and that makes me very angry. This "friend" has been on the receiving end of nasty innuendos and mean-spirited comments and should know better than to indulge in this sort of bullshit himself.

 

What disappoints me most is that I didn't expect it from him. I honestly expected he would take the honourable route and keep his opinions of me, and S., out of the chat room, knowing how quickly things like that are bandied about. Whilst he does have a right to express himself in his own chat room, I did think he was enough of a gent to avoid indulging in the juvenile dumbass games you see in chat rooms these days. I was wrong. I guess, ultimately I was wrong about a lot of thing when it came to him.

 

I've been upset over losing his friendship. I have missed chatting with him, and have, on occasion, spoken to him in the chat room, even though his girlfriend got rather vocal with me in private about me being "two faced", as she called me. Hmmm, had I known what I know now, I would have mentioned something about a pot calling the kettle black. Or would I? Probably not. I would have done exactly what I did do. Try to explain things, and then just gave up and left the chat room. It just wasn't worth any more effort.

 

Since we stopped being friends, just prior to my trip this summer, I have never said anything disparaging about him, his girlfriend, or the friendship to anyone in the chat room. When one friend asked about it, I declined, saying that I didn't want to draw anyone into the situation and that all would be fine. I didn't want people to think badly of him, or his girlfriend, as it wasn't anyone else's business. He, apparently, didn't feel the same way.

 

This information makes me angry too. How dare he say anything against S.! This issue was between him and me, and S. was not part of it. To find out he's been spouting off about S. to others  is so wrong.

 

I guess I didn't know him as well as I thought. Makes me question my judgement somewhat. If I was that wrong about him, maybe I'm not seeing things as clearly as I should about other things too.

 

Still, I refuse to follow suit and respond in anger. Life is too short for that. I can't be responsible for what he does, only for what I do, and I will continue to handle this as I have done so far, with dignity and respect.  

 

Spent a few hours this afternoon clearing out yet more junk. Why did I need to keep old bills and paperwork from the 1990s? I am a pack rat to the max!

As it stands now I have only the kiddie cupboard, a desk, and a bag of clothes left to take to the charity shop. Then I can tackle the stuff stacked all around the lounge. That stuff I want to sell if possible, and I hope to get a corner of a shop to sell from. Haven't heard back from the shop owner so will contact her this week. I am eager to get this moving, partly to clear out the lounge, and partly to raise some much-needed dosh.

Sold my camcorder to my brother. He is paying me by installment. Part of me wanted to keep the camcorder but I never use it and I can definitely use the money so I must be firm and let it go.

Oh, saw some photos today that were spectacular! They were taken with a macro lens but I have no idea what size.  My macro lens isn't bad but it's for the Yashica and I don't use that camera anymore. I need to buy an adaptor for the Pentax so I can use the lens. I don't have much macro capacity on my digital camera. I almost hate to use film anymore because of the simplicity and ease of digital, but I can't bring myself to sell my Pentax. Plus I have about 20 rolls of film still to shoot. If I use the film I'm going to have them create a CD of the shots instead of printing them out. That way I can load them to my computer and turn the colour shots into B&W if I choose to. I'd love to do a series of photos in B&W.  Maybe try some artsy shots with a model. But that's down the line. Got too much else on the plate right now.

That feeling of being buried alive is still with me. Too much stuff, too much to do, and too many old memories. It's suffocating at times. Often I end up staring at the computer screen just lost in thoughts of the summer, with S., and just hanging out. I miss him. Somehow I will find a way to make this living in two countries thing work. If only I can get out from under the mounds of stuff still to do.

Ok, enough kvetching.... time to do something... like watch a bit of telly.  

Finally did some housekeeping online. Moved what I had left on my Share The Voice page to Tabulas, under the Contents page. I have added the following stories, written by me: Prom Memories, Stolen Childhood, Canada's Forgotten Veterans. I shall keep all my writing here from now on until I get a website created where I can showcase them more prominently.

I was going to put them in Categories but decided against that. In fact, I'd like to remove "Categories" and "Communities" from my blog altogether as I never use them. Must look into doing that.

Still need to add a few poems from my book, just as a taste of what the book has to offer.

Now I can delete my Share The Voice site!

If only I could organize my Contents page a bit better, so that my writing could be under one heading with static pages. Still, it's better than it was.