Sorted
Just when you think it's starting to calm down, stuff happens.
I thought this year might manage to be one without any endings, but no. On Sunday, our last goat passed away. She was about 20 years old, and had managed to live the last 5 years on grain and apples alone. That makes four animals so far this year to die. Four more endings, but no new beginnings.
That she passed away on her own is something I am grateful for. I know it was her time, and nothing lasts forever. Still, losing her is hard because she was the last goat, the last of my mum's goat herd. It's like losing a final piece of my mum.
********************
I've been listening to classical music tonight. The CD is called Classical Moods, and I chose Melancholy because that is how I have been feeling of late. Not only because of the upcoming anniversary of my mother's death, or of the deaths of my beloved pets, but also because of the direction my life is taking, or rather, is not taking.
How is it that we can make mistakes in our life, and supposedly learn from them, only to continue repeating them? I seem to do that with regularity, even though the outcome often leaves scars. You would think after all this time I would have clued in and been the wiser for my experiences.
Silly me, I found myself thinking thought I should not have been thinking, and ended up looking quite foolish. I guess it is true what they say: no fool like an old fool. Not the first time I have done this, nor will it be the last, if my track record is any indication. Lately I've been feeling foolish about a lot of things and thinking, perhaps, that I am in the wrong place, metaphorically speaking. No doubt, just one of the many things I need to get sorted.
I know it sounds as if I am always bemoaning my lot in life, and not making any moves forward. Yet if someone were to tell me I need to move forward, I know I would look them directly in the eye and say to them that I will move forward if and when I am good and ready. That much I know. I have changed in that regard. The old me would have endeavoured to comply with their suggestion. The new me doesn't care what they think.
I have made some headway through the mess, both mentally and physically, in my life. I have managed to complete sorting the mess in my office, moved the filing cabinet downstairs, got all the paperwork sorted and filed, and am finally set up in the office for my art. I do have much to be thrown out in the barns, and the rest sorted to some semblance of order, but I am on my way. My bedroom has been sorted to some degree as well, but it still needs a bit more done to make it a place of respite instead of an bedroom/office/library that it has been for far too many years.
I only wish I could sort my emotional self as easily as I do my physical world.
I thought this year might manage to be one without any endings, but no. On Sunday, our last goat passed away. She was about 20 years old, and had managed to live the last 5 years on grain and apples alone. That makes four animals so far this year to die. Four more endings, but no new beginnings.
That she passed away on her own is something I am grateful for. I know it was her time, and nothing lasts forever. Still, losing her is hard because she was the last goat, the last of my mum's goat herd. It's like losing a final piece of my mum.
********************
I've been listening to classical music tonight. The CD is called Classical Moods, and I chose Melancholy because that is how I have been feeling of late. Not only because of the upcoming anniversary of my mother's death, or of the deaths of my beloved pets, but also because of the direction my life is taking, or rather, is not taking.
How is it that we can make mistakes in our life, and supposedly learn from them, only to continue repeating them? I seem to do that with regularity, even though the outcome often leaves scars. You would think after all this time I would have clued in and been the wiser for my experiences.
Silly me, I found myself thinking thought I should not have been thinking, and ended up looking quite foolish. I guess it is true what they say: no fool like an old fool. Not the first time I have done this, nor will it be the last, if my track record is any indication. Lately I've been feeling foolish about a lot of things and thinking, perhaps, that I am in the wrong place, metaphorically speaking. No doubt, just one of the many things I need to get sorted.
I know it sounds as if I am always bemoaning my lot in life, and not making any moves forward. Yet if someone were to tell me I need to move forward, I know I would look them directly in the eye and say to them that I will move forward if and when I am good and ready. That much I know. I have changed in that regard. The old me would have endeavoured to comply with their suggestion. The new me doesn't care what they think.
I have made some headway through the mess, both mentally and physically, in my life. I have managed to complete sorting the mess in my office, moved the filing cabinet downstairs, got all the paperwork sorted and filed, and am finally set up in the office for my art. I do have much to be thrown out in the barns, and the rest sorted to some semblance of order, but I am on my way. My bedroom has been sorted to some degree as well, but it still needs a bit more done to make it a place of respite instead of an bedroom/office/library that it has been for far too many years.
I only wish I could sort my emotional self as easily as I do my physical world.