I am Tallulah

"Tallulah Bankhead: The Diva!"

ANNOUNCER:  "Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats as the play is about to begin. Please turn off cell phones and pagers. Thank you, and enjoy the performance."

The house lights dimmed, with only the footlights casting a pale glow across the stage. In the quiet, the opening line: "It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time."

The stage lights came up and there, on top of a Grand Piano, nude and wearing only the most exquisite strand of pearls, was the Lady herself: Tallulah Bankhead.

"Welcome, dahlings! Welcome to my home. Pull up a chair, pour yourself a drink, and let's talk!"

Thus began the journey through her life and career. The audience was introduced to the youthful Tallulah who dreamt of stardom in New York City. The story carried from her very first movie, "Who Loved Him Best", to her triumphs of stage, screen, television, and radio, with the NBC hit radio program, The Big Show. Tallulah: outrageous, outspoken, uninhibited. Sometimes cruel and vindictive when crossed, other times generous to a fault, especially to animals and children. Tallulah, with her extraordinary beauty and vivacious personality. As if one was actually sitting in the drawing room of 'Windows', the diva's New York farm house, the audience was entertained by her wit and enigmatic charm throughout this play.

Tallulah spoke of her many affairs, with both men and women. She recalled once, at a party, a young man boldly telling her he wanted to make love to her that night. She didn't bat an eyelash and said, quite calmly, "And so you shall, you wonderful old-fashioned boy."

"I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic. And the others give me either a stiff neck or lockjaw."

"I'm as pure as the driven slush."

She said of Hollywood: "The only reason I went to Hollywood was to fuck that divine Gary Cooper."

Tallulah reminisced about being received by her adoring public. Many emulated her look, her dress, even her personality. In return, she took extra care to make herself accessible to them, onstage and off. "Thank you, dahlings!", blowing kisses, signing autographs, chatting with them, sometimes even inviting them to her dressing room or to her home for a visit.

She shared escapades about her drinking and smoking, all the while holding a cigarette in one hand and a glass of bourbon in the other. She offered no apologies for her vices. She was, as always, just Tallulah. Take her or leave her.

"My father warned me about men and booze but he never said anything about women and cocaine."

"Cocaine, habit forming? Of course not, I ought to know, I've been using it for years."

When it came to eating, however, Tallulah never drank and ate at the same time. "Here's a rule I recommend: never practise two vices at once."

Throughout the play the diva regaled her enthralled audience with tidbits of her life, her loves, and her passion for the theatre. She spoke of friends, foes, and the stars she rubbed shoulders with throughout her long career. She was effervescent and animated in her descriptions of the trials and triumphs of her life.

Like every good party, however, it was, too soon, time to say goodbye. With a "Thank you, dahlings, for spending the evening with me!" the divine Tallulah Bankhead bid her audience adieu.

As the stage lights began to dim, the audience heard: "Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it."

My back has been hurting badly after doing too much exercise. I've lost four pounds since starting my weight loss journey. Thank you very much. Don't get too excited, though, as I'll probably gain it back this week.

Because of this back pain I've not been doing much activity, choosing instead to  sit in front of the computer, hanging out on ICQ. Boring, boring, boring. In essence, I have wasted time. Time I could have been working on an art project, or cleaning up this office area. Time I could have been writing. So tonight I decided to utilize what I have discovered on ICQ during this period of slothfulness on my part.

I have received numerous online propositions from men who couldn't put a bloody sentence together! Guys, you'll stand a better chance of catching my interest if you can spell reasonably well, and string more than a couple of words together into a semi-articulate sentence. I don't expect you to be Shakespeare, but for pity sake, please can't you at least use proper sentences! Oh, and please don't try and impress me with your menial grasp of abreviated cyber language. There is a reason why you are sitting in front of your computer looking to wank off.  Crack open a book now and then, read a newspaper, get some idea, and make something of yourself. Maybe then you'll be more interesting to women.

Speaking of cybersex, anyone ever tried it? Perhaps this is a subject not suitable for Tabulas, but I did warn you, my erstwhile readers, that the subjects here would change, so, if you are young of age, or embarassed by this kind of discussion, please close the window and come back another day.

Back to cybersex... I have done some research on the subject and have come to the conclusion that cybersex is simply online erotic fantasy-on-the-fly (pardon the pun). The parties involved create a story as they go along, usually the woman doing the most creating. Seems guys lack the ability to think, type and, well, you know... at the same time. In my very limited research, the majority of focus is on helping the guy to pleasure himself. He derives the most from the story being created and that is his sole purpose for indulging. 

Sadly, cybersex does seem to attract those men who are married. One guy who propositioned me was married with two kids. I guess he wasn't pleased when I asked him what his wife thought about this. Sorry buddy, I won't help you cheat on your wife. You married her, find a way to work it out or get a divorce. 

What amazes me is the volume of men online in chat rooms looking for someone to cyber with. They sound almost desperate as they post their asl's and 'anyone wanting to talk to me?????' These are guys under the age of 30, who should be able to get a date/quickie in person. Why choose the internet?

Anonymity. No one knows who you are, what you look like, whether you are a skank or a creep. You can be whoever you want to be. You can do things you wouldn't normally do. You can live a fantasy for however long you choose, then disappear as quickly as you started, leaving no trail behind you. It is perfect for the clandestine rendezvous that has no future and no strings.

Is this the relationship of the future? Will human interaction be reduced to lines on a computer screen? Will expressions of sensuality and lust be reduced to "mmmmmmmmm's" and "aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhsssssssss"? In the future will we only be able to see each other via a digital camera and a computer screen? Will we eventually stop connecting physically to each other and be content with words only?

I once read the E.M. Forster short story called "The Machine Stops", and after my research into cybersex, I fear that the story isn't that far from the mark. Not something I look forward to.
 

My back issues have been ongoing for a few years now, due partly to being overweight (it is amazing how many health problems are a result of too much weight0.  Mine is a low back pain, and it is improving. My bed is part of the problem, too. I've also stopped using two pillows, and that has eased the pain somewhat, so I think the back is maybe out of alignment. Not enough to warrant a doctor, but enough to make it hard to lift bags of horse feed or clean out stalls. Hopefully, with a few more days rest, it will be better and I can finally get some real work done in the barn.

 
Today I went back to the Gazelle and exercised for 25 minutes, the did some free weight for the balance, to a total of 30 minutes exercise. All done whilst watching a Brit show about what not to wear. What inspiration!! I need those two ladies to check out my closet (once I've lost the excess weight) and help me redefine my style. I have spent so long hiding behind fat and baggy clothes I'm not sure I'll know what to do if I ever finally lose this lard.

I wasn't going to step on the scale until the end of the week, but yesterday I couldn't resist. I have lost one more pound! A total of 5 pounds. No, please, no kudos as it is far too easy to gain that little loss back.

Haven't had any soft drinks in almost a month now. I am feeling the urge to have just one, maybe the caffeine free, sugar free Coke my dad has, but I think I should just keep to the water. I have added unsweetened Kool-Aid to the water and added my own sugar. I don't the pre-sweetened drinks, diet or otherwise, so this is a good choice. The only other thing I use sugar in is tea, and I haven't had any tea in a while. When I do it's just about half a teaspoon. 

Been eating breakfast, usually Wheaties with peaches, a little milk and no sugar. That has helped the over-eating in the evenings a bit. Spending time on ICQ has also helped, as I get involved in chatting with people and forget to eat. Hey, a perk! Wonder if the ICQ peeps would like to be known as a diet aide.

Have also tried to have a bit of protein with each meal (thanks Adam!). I've tried snacking on almonds and discovered that after eating about 24 I wasn't hungry anymore. Got to remember to drink lots of water. That is something I don't do and know it will make a big difference.

The only other thing, weight-wise, I need to do is go back to Chi Gong. I have a really good tape and need to start doing that again. I've also got a good Yoga tape and once my back feels better will give that a go too. I think the slow stretching exercises will help a lot.

So things are good with the diet. So far, anyway.

Today would have been my parents' 48th wedding anniversary.

This photo was taken at my maternal grandmother's house, December 1957, when my Father proposed to my Mother.

One year ago today my mother refused any further medical treatment and told us she wanted to come home. One year ago tomorrow we brought Momma home.

Memo to:   She-who-would-wish-to-be-obeyed.

Hello. Miguel here, and I have a complaint. Now, I don't wish to sound ungrateful or in any way bossy, but...

Clean up the cat hair in my room!

It is not MY hair. My hair is a lovely clean white, mixed with a little salmon and grey. The hair floating around this room is black. The culprit: Spunky! He is shedding and making a mess of everything! My nice clean carpet? Black hair all over it! My bed? Black hair! The wicker bed with the once-comfy blanket? Covered in black hair!

Now I'm not one to complain, really I'm not. Have you ever gotten a complaint from me before? No! So, I hope you understand I am saying this in the nicest way I can: Do something about this shedding, clawing black menace!! 

Don't get me wrong, I love the dude -- in a non-sexual-dude-loving-dude kind of way. In fact, I often think of him as the little brother I never had. But he's a freaking' hair ball on four paws! I don't remember ever shedding that much before he came. I'd be bald if I did. Where all that fur is coming from is a mystery to me, but it has to stop! When I lick my own fur I want to be sure it is, in fact, MY fur that I'm swallowing!

Excuse me for just a moment...  Bugger off, Spunky!!! Can't you see I'm busy typing? I will play with you later! Aw... spifft, spifft.... black cat hair in my mouth! Yukkkkk!!!!

Pardon the interruption. As I was saying, I am trying to be diplomatic about this. I realize we will be sharing space for many to years to come, and I certainly don't want anyone to think I am not happy for the company. It's just that the fur build-up is beginning to move! Like tumbleweeds across the prairies! I am afraid to jump off the washer down to the floor for fear I might be touched by one of these black balls of excess furrage!

So, would it kill you to sweep up the fur on the floor, and use one of those handy-dandy fur removing thingys to take the fur off my bedding? Huh, would it??  Could you also replace the blanket in the wicker basket with a nice, clean, fur-free, sweet-smelling towel? 

I realize you, as the human of the house, have really IMPORTANT things to do (although I can't for the life of me imagine what!), and this seems a miniscule item on your over-burdened To Do list, but I would be ever so happy if you could see to this issue at your earliest convenience.

Thank you.

Spunky? That's MY bed! Get your furry black tush out of MY bed! You have your own bed! I mean it... Spunky?!? Don't you swish your tail at me! I'm bigger than you, and I can still smack the fleas off you!

I have fleas???? NOOOOOO!!! Where?? I don't feel them? Oh, where are they???

No, Spunky, it's just a figure of speech. 'Smacking the fleas off you' is just a saying, it doesn't mean you really have fleas! Calm down! If you had fleas I would know... really I would. So just chill mate! Here, you can share a corner of my bed... no... the corner with all the black hair! Kids!!!

We have been enjoying a fabulas week weather-wise. Temps yesterday were around 21C and the sun was shining. Today is overcast but still lovely. Even the nights have been great, with a bright moon shining and not overly chilly. Almost the dancing-naked-in-the-moonlight kinds of nights.

As I rounded the corner of the house on my way out the driveway to the mailbox I was startled by the sight of enormous flapping wings. The herons have returned! A pair of them, and they landed quietly in our pond. It amazes me that birds that size can fly and manouver so easily and quietly. They enjoy visiting our front fields because of the pond and drainage ditch that borders the roadside edge of the property. Every year we see them quietly stalking through the field in search of frogs or in the pond snacking on whatever delicacies they can find. We haven't, to my knowledge, lost one bird to the snappers either. Can't say the same for the ducks. Our domestic ducks had to be kept from the pond because we lost one when a snapper dragged it under.

After oohing and aahing over the herons I continued to trek to the mailbox. Suddenly a flash of deep blue caught my eye. We have another bluebird here! That is such good news, seeing as these delicate lovelies are disappearing at an alarming rate from Ontario farmlands. Every time old trees are cut down potential bluebird nesting spots, as well as other birds and animals, are lost forcing these creatures to move away. We are quickly destroying so much of their habitat that I fear future generations may never get to see their beauty.

We did put up houses for the bluebirds but they were quickly taken over by tree swallows, another victim of deforestration. The tree swallows were so eager for houses that they sat on the fence just a few feet away from where we were working watching the progress of the house building. One house was erected only to discover that the entry hole was too small and the tree swallow couldn't get in. Once we fixed that the tree swallows quickly set up housekeeping. Strangly these birds do not mind the field mice who also build their nests inside the houses. The birds just build their nest on top of the mouses nest, and they co-habitate nicely.

Recently I read that we have not done the bluebird houses properly. Putting them on wooden fence posts is not the idea choice. We should, instead, mount them on t-posts because this makes it harder for predators such as snakes to crawl up and steal the eggs or chicks. I think I'll get a good bluebird house pattern and give the t-post suggestion a go. The houses have to face south and face an open field, which they do. I still think I'll need another solution for the mice nesting issue. Once the mousies are inside the houses I haven't the heart to evict them. If you've ever seen a mouse nest it is the softest comfiest little thing ever!

Speaking of rodents, I caught another rattie. This makes two from the side yard. I relocated last nights' rattie down the road along the creek. It will have plenty of ground cover and shouldn't be able to get back here. Still, I'll reset the trap. There may be more.  Amazing Brother thinks I should just shove poison pellets down the rat holes but I am afraid the chipmuncks will be poisoned too, or that a poisoned rat will come out and the cat will eat it, thereby getting poisoned as well. No thanks, I prefer catching them live and relocating them.

Have only seen one barn swallow this week. Either it's still too early for them, or maybe they didn't make their trek safely this time. 

Not sure I mentioned this before, but we may have a fox living here again. I saw a beautiful female fox wandering our front field in search of mice. What an absolutely lovely animal this was! A few years ago we had a young red fox living in the hay field but the following year there was nothing. Maybe they have moved back to the field. All the other farms around us have land that is worked into corn or tobacco. Our hay field isn't harvested anymore and has become a bit wild so it would make an excellent location for a fox and her kits. 

If I ever win a lottery I plan to purchase land around our place. Then I can plant more trees, maybe even erect some dead trees or those wonderful fake dead trees and create habitat once again for the creatures that inhabit our area. 

I did a very bad thing on the weekend. I went shopping, which under normal circumstances, with normal people, wouldn't be an issue. With me, however, it is dangerous. I am a power-shopper. Mix that with impulse buying, and you begin to see the picture.

I power-shopped to the max on Saturday! I purchased a notebook computer. It was the same as the one Amazing Brother bought, but instead of paying the $999.00 he paid, I got mine for $799.00. Not content with that little deal, I purchased a digital camera, same kind as Amazing Brother. He paid $499.00 for his, mine was marked down to $399.00. Plus, since it was the last one they had, and a floor model, they gave me an additional $20.00 off. To add icing to this cake, they had a special offer going that day where if you purchased over $150.00 in camera equipment, they gave you a photo printer worth $130.00. 

That's what I call good shopping! Honestly, I don't know what happened! I didn't intend to buy anything, but when I saw the great price on the notebook and camera, something came over me. It was as if the fates were beckoning me, laying out this great deal to entice me to go for it. Damn you, fates!!

It didn't end there, though. Amazing Brother decided he was going to take advantage of their 30-day price thingy, and see if he could get his camera for the price I paid for mine since he had purchased it only three weeks ago. So we went back to Staples and voila! he got the discount AND another printer! In the meantime I decided to bite the bullet and get the 1G memory card for my new camera so I can take up to 29 minutes of video with it. 

All this comes after a marathon eBay shopping spree where I purchased a bunch of Vietnam War memorabilia. And I still want to get some iTunes for my iPod.

The good thing about the notebook computer is that now I can use my iPod. My computer didn't have a 2.0 USB port so I couldn't use my iPod. Now, I can!! So there are some iTunes I want to get.

Problem is, I only have actual income from a part-time job. Hmmm, maybe it's time to retire the credit card for a while.

I had some misgivings after purchasing the camera. I already have a digital camera, but it's really just a toy compared to this one. And I can still use it, as a webcam. Or I can toss the old one into my purse and have a camera whenever I see that once-in-a-lifetime shot. Of course, the new one is small too and could be hidden inside the purse. And then I've still got my 35mm Pentax ME, which I waited years to get and finally found on eBay. I sooooo love eBay!

Bottom line: I need to start using my equipment to make some $$$$. Okay, no more spending! Be tough! No more visiting eBay "just to look around". No more catalogue shopping for vintage stuff. I will not be tempted. 

I didn't step on the scale this weekend. I could feel that I was starting to retain water. When I was out shopping Amazing Brother bought us some chips and didn't ask for mine to have no salt. It was briny with salt and vinegar!

The good thing is that I have stopped using the Gazelle and started using the treadmill. It's set up out in the barn, which is a bit inconvenient, but I can jog on it if I want to withouth worrying about damaging the floor. I have been working out for a hour each day, and I have to say that, aside for the water gain mentioned above, I didn't have to suck in to zip up my jeans on the weekend. Plus, I now feel as if I am working out. The Gazelle seemed to be aggravating my lower back, too, but the treadmill doesn't do that. 

So, onward and upward!