Tuesday Evening
Let me put it this way
By Simon Armitage
Let me put it this way:
if you came to lay
your sleeping head
against my arm or sleeve,
and if my arm went dead,
or if I had to take my leave
at midnight, I should rather
cleave it from the joint or seam
than make a scene
or bring you round.
There, how does that sound?
Quite enjoyed that poem. Will definitely check out more of this poetry.
I wonder whether this poet is related to the actor Richard Armitage?
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Today has been most trying. It seemed that anything that could go wrong did go wrong. I am exhausted by the whole day.
Actually, the problems started last week with the annual report for the church. They changed the deadline but never bothered to tell me. I lost a week to prepare the report and this week have been getting calls saying "Where are the minutes to last year's meeting" etc. Well folks, if I had been able to stick to the deadline I would have had all the stuff in that should be in.
Then I told people I didn't want to do the board secretary job anymore and that they should find someone else to "volunteer". I was informed that this was now my job and, basically, if I no longer wished to do this part of the job maybe they would have to find someone else to do both secretary jobs.
The reality is that they have increased my duties and my hours but are only paying me for the original six hours. They look at the added hours as a "donation" to "my" church. I am not a member of this church. I am an employee. Still, as a salaried employee I must work whatever hours they need. They made this change in June of 2005, right during the time when Momma was getting worse and I only vaguely recall the meeting. I should have paid more attention at that meeting. Actually, I should never have volunteered to do the job in the first place. That is where I made my mistake.
Needless to say after the phone conversation I started obsessing over the situation. Created lots of negative energy and that energy spilled out today. I could actually feel the ugliness of the energy! Two phone calls regarding the annual report added to the negativity.
I decided to call the lady I was speaking to on the weekend about the extra hours and told her to leave things as they are and once the new building is up we can talk about things then. I will no longer be working from home at that time and it will be easier to keep track of hours. I won't be doing any of their work from home after that, and if it can't be done in the hours they pay me, it won't get done. Well, that's not entirely true... the board meetings will be the extra hours. That is something we will have to negotiate. Maybe by then I will be further along in my other project and won't need this job so much.
This afternoon my car started acting up, and stalled at a green light. That really ticked me off! More negative energy.
Tonight I don't feel very positive either, but I think things will even out.
The sad truth is that I no longer have any interest in what they do anymore, beyond my job that is. I no longer want to be part of things there, no longer want to attend the boring meetings that slog on forever. I quit the committees I was on and won't be joining any others.
I want to concentrate on new projects, artistic endeavours that, maybe, will take me where I really want to be creatively. I want some peace in my life, some happiness, to step out of this darkness. It is time I put myself in the picture. I need to take steps to make my dreams happen. That is where my focus lies these days and I refuse to feel guilty about it anymore. My responsibilities are family, pets, friends, but not this job. It is only a means to an end and I am going to focus on that end, and the beginning of something much better in my life.