Monday evening
Instead of journaling about my life, I've become quite the hermit, hiding away from most everyone. The fact is, I haven't anything worth writing about. How many times can I write about my mother's illness? Sadly, I have become boring. However, this entry should sum up all the activities of late.
Mother isn't much improved. The swelling has gone down in her legs, but there is still a bit around her ankles. She isn't able to walk without a walker, and then only a short shuffle from one room to another. She is exhausted and sleeps many hours. Her mind, however, has cleared a bit and she is better able to focus on stuff around her. She isn't eating very much, but I have gotten her to at least take some Instant Breakfast, with some vitamins in it. She has vomitted a bit last week, and I was concerned about her becoming dehydrated. She is now drinking water, but only if it is really cold.
A few weeks ago, when she was feeling a bit more clear-headed, she asked me to throw out some stuff for her. That has resulted in my being able to clear out some junk. I come from a long line of pack-rats on my mother's side, and we save things because we feel we might need them some time. Usually I toss things two or three times a year, but mother doesn't. I faced a rather daunting task of clearing out years of stored items. Since the spring cleaning began I have rearranged some things that I thought she might go ballistic about, but she was quite accepting. I don't know if it is because she thinks she isn't going to be here much longer, or if she is now able to see the difference the change has made.
Still have a long way to go with this clear-out, including my own stuff. I plan to sell some items on ebay, some through the local newspaper (like the wood stove I bought them over 25 years ago!), some things have gone to Goodwill with more to follow, some will go to the church yard sale, and the rest to recycling. My father is worried because mother has said she wants to get rid of the couch and loveseat, and he says he can't afford to buy another one. He thinks he might be retiring in June of this year. I told him to worry about that if and when it comes.
My church job is the same. I am also the church board secretary and still have minutes of the last meeting to type up, but I don't have the energy to get to it today.
One thing that has become clearer since mother's health issues is the state of my friendships. Sad to say, those I thought would be supportive have not come through. Yet offers of support have come from places I least expected. Guess I know who my real friends are. Too bad they all live in other countries.
One of my elderly cats is nearing the end of his life. Trooper is around 20 years old and has failing kidneys. Because I was with mother for 11 days he didn't get the proper care and when I came home I noticed his health had failed. He is still eating, but his strength is waning, and he has trouble walking. Still, as long as he is eliminating and is able to take in food, I'll keep going. He deserves to live his life as long as he chooses.
My artistic endeavors have stalled. There doesn't seem to be enough time in the day, or energy, to get everything accomplished. That's another reason why I haven't kept up my Tabby journal. Pathetique!
Been watching some documentaries on photographers the last few nights. Very interesting. These people devote their lives to being where the action is to document the moments in pictures. I used to think I would like to be a photo-journalist, but travel wasn't in the cards for moi.
Still no word from/about my Indonesian friend. I found her brother's address, but am hesitating to write. I guess the only way to know the truth is to send them a letter. I guess a part of me isn't ready accept she is really gone.
A year ago I felt that changes were coming and that
feeling intensified as the year end came. I know this is a year of
change -- it is now a powerful feeling. I only ask for the strength to
deal with the changes and to survive the fallout.