I am Tallulah

I got my flu shot on Monday. Not because I wanted one, but because the maternal parental unit wouldn't have got one unless I did. So I did.

Today, I am sick! Achy, scratchy throat, feverish, oh-so-tired, and just plain BLEEECCCHHHTTT!!!

I want to go to bed, but there is still hours to go before I sleep. *sigh*

Still feeling yucky.

Added a wish list to my journal. I've been keeping little bits of paper with these titles on them and decided a good place was to put them here. I can add/delete without losing them now.

Was fortunate this past year to finally obtain three books on the wish list. I had been looking for the Flambards series for years and now I have them. Plus one I didn't know existed. I'm not thrilled with the last one. It was actually depressing, and I wish I'd not read it. But I have, and I now own the four books, so at least that is one set off the list. It is amazing that you can read a book as a child and have it stay with you into adulthood, so much that when you finally get to re-read it, the same feelings are evoked all over again.

There are a couple of changes I'd like to make to my journal, but I'm going to wait until I have a clearer vision of what they are. Nothing dramatic (no worries MDT!) just figuring out what to do now that I have joined a couple of communities etc.

But right now I need to make some coffee and try and rest. Maybe play a nice online card game too. Diversion can sometimes clear the mind.

Today it snowed. Nothing stayed, but off and on all day we had the gamut of snowy weather: snow squalls, huge wet snowflakes, ice pellets, sleet.

At one point the snowflakes were so large it was like being hit with wet snowballs. I tried to take some photos but the snowflakes just didn't show up well.

I posted a couple of pics in my gallery.

Other than that, I've been trying to rest and get rid of this rotten cold. Right now I can't hear out of one ear and my sinuses are plugged. Sucks being sick!!

Still...........

Tried the ginger and honey but not sure I did it right. Tasted way too much honey. Next time I'll try crushing the ginger, and less honey.

My Aussie friend suggested chicken soup and garlic bread. That's next on my list.

"And so to you we raise this silent glass
And pledge ourselves to keep your memory bright,
And pray we, too, when comes our time to pass
May look with fearless eyes into the night."
~"Our Living Dead", by col. R. Ross Napier~

In memory of all those who gave their lives during wartime.
With thanks to those who went to war and returned safely home.

Especially, to those 103 Canadians who died in Vietnam, who are still not recognized by the Canadian government as war casualties.
To the over 10,000 Canadians who fought in Vietnam who are still not recognized as war veterans.

**********

Today is my mother's 70th birthday. I am grateful she is alive and relatively well, and pray she may enjoy many more birthdays to come.

Googled my writing nom de plume and discovered that one of my articles is now on a Dutch website.

I was surprised -- they have credited me and the newspaper that first ran the story-- but I have decided that I want them to link to my website so people can read the entire article.

So I typed my butt off and the story is now on my website. You can click on the "Share The Voice" icon above, or if you're really lazy here and check out Stolen Childhood.

After going through my files looking for the POW story, I discovered another piece I'd written. It needed some rewriting and is now posted to my website in case I decided to use it somewhere. If you're interested look for Prom Memories.

******


I wish I had written this! I've love it from the first moment I heard it, and still do. It it timeless and deserves to be shared with each new generation. Enjoy!

DESIDERATA
by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others;
even the dull and ignorant, they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
You are a child of the universe.
No less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding, as it should.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career; however humble,
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is.
Many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself; especially do not feign affection,
neither be cynical about love.
For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength and spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune,
but do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labours and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be careful,
strive to be happy.

******

It's amazing what you can find when you go through old files. I found the piece I used when I auditioned for a theatre touring company.

Oh, and I got the part. However the company had no money and I quit them when I discovered they only had cash to pay the actors for two weeks. Damned shame that I needed the pay cheque more than I needed to be on stage.

The Ill-Tempered Lover
by Louis Mackay

I wish my tongue were a quiver the size of a huge cask,
packed and crammed with long black venomous rankling darts.
I'd fling you more full of them,
and joy in the task,
than ever Sebastian was, or Ceasar,
with thirty-three swords in his heart.

I'd make a porcupine out of you,
or a pin-cushion, say;
the shafts should stand so thick you'd look like a headless hen
hung up by the heels,
with the long bare red neck
stretching, curving, and dripping away
fromthe soiled floppy ball of ruffled feathers standing on end.

You should bristle like those cylindrical brushes they use to scrub out bottles,
not even to reach the kindly earth with the soles of your prickled feet.
And I would stand by and watch you wriggle and writhe,
gurgling through the barbs in your throttle
like a wooly caterpillar pinned on its back --
Man, that would be sweet!

Most who read my journal will have no clue who Melanie was. She was one of the youngest performers at Woodstock and went on to be a very popular folk singer of the 70s. The following lyrics were written by her and I re-discovered them this week.

The First Time I Loved Forever
by Melanie

The first time I loved forever
was when you whispered my name.
And I knew at once you loved me,
for the me of who I am.

The first time I loved forever
I cast all else aside.
And I bid my heart to follow,
be there no more need to hide.

And if wishes and dreams are merely for children,
and if love's a tale for fools,
I'll live the dream with you.

For all my life and forever,
there's a truth I'll always know:
when my world divides and shatters
your love is where I'll go.

******

Here is another of my favorites.

Longing
by Matthew Arnold

Come to me in my dreams, and then
by day I shall be well again!
for so the night will more than pay
the hopeless longing of the day.

Come, as thou cam'st a thousand times,
a messenger from radiant climes
and smile on thy new world, and be
as kind to others as to me!

Or, as thou never cam'st in sooth,
come now, and let me dream it truth;
and part my hair, and kiss my brow,
and say: "My love! Why sufferest thou?"

Come to me in my dreams, and then
by day I shall be well again!
For so the night will more than pay
the hopless longing of the day.

******

One of my absolute favorite sonnets.

Sonnet XXIV
by William Shakespeare

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
and look upon myself, and curse my fate,
wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
with what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
haply I think on thee, and then my state,
like to the lark at break of day arising
from sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd, such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

A couple of weeks ago Amazing Brother told us about a strange noise he was hearing as he worked the evening cleaning at the school. He thought perhaps it was the gekko, which was missing from the tank and presumed dead. Although he searched the potted plants he couldn't find what was making the sound.

When I picked him up from work two nights ago he said to me: "Since you were so successful in raising honey bees in the house, I have a present for you." With that he told me he had been cleaning the carpet in the school and looked down to see something small on the carpet. When he picked it up he discovered it was an itty bitty frog. This teeny little creature just flopped in his hand. He quickly put it in a bit of water and soon the froggie had perked up. He decided then and there that he wasn't going to report the finding to the school because "those idiots don't deserve to have animals!"

So yours truly became the hesitant owner of an itty bitty tree froggie. This little amphibian is no bigger than my thumb nail! To catch the froggie I utilized a small film cannister and a piece of paper. It is the smallest frog I've ever seen.

Setting up an appropriate habitat was easy. We already had a number of aquariums so I emptied one and put in a couple of pieces of bark and a chunk of tree wood. I need to add a hydroponic Pothos plant which I'll probably do this weekend. For his bathinig pool I've used a jar lid. These frogs don't swim and can drown in too much water so their pool mustn't be too large. Each day I mist the tank to provide humidity. I still have to figure out what to do about creating heat because our house gets chilly in the winter.

The biggest issue is food. Frogs eat live food and I've always been against having pets that do that. I hate the idea of putting live creatures into a tank where they cannot escape certain death. Someone mentioned that froggie might take to tiny bits of raw meat, and I'm going to try some teensy bits of canned cat meat. If Itty-Bitty is hungry maybe it will eat that. I have no idea what it has lived on at the school. It was loose in that school for at least three weeks, and it had to eat something. As much as I hate it, I've put some fruit flies and a couple of house flies into the tank. Seeing as they will die of the cold I figured Itty-Bitty could eat them if he could catch them. I don't see them in the tank, but that doesn't mean Itty-Bitty got them. They could have escaped through the top of the tank.

If I can get Itty-Bitty to sit still I'll try to get a photo of him/her.

One frustration in my life is that I am not able to listen to my music as often as I'd like. With four adults living under one roof it is difficult to find some place where no one will be disturbed. Right now my father is in the living room with one television, mother in the other room with the other television. I am smushed between in a little room and I've got a cd playing in the computer. I know it's bugging my father because he's turned up the volume on the television. I'd listen to my music using headphones if I had any, and had a place to plug them into my computer, but I don't. So I am often without music.

Last night I was watching a movie -- don't know the name and didn't see the beginning of it -- starring Marisa Tomei and Christian Slater. The theme song of the move was a beautiful song by Nat King Cole called "Nature Boy". It prompted me to dig out my NKC cd and see if I had it, which I did.

Most who read this journal probably won't have had the opportunity to listen to NKC. If you haven't, do give him a listen. This man had a velvet voice, so mellow, so enchanting.

The song Nature Boy has been redone by others, including Kalen Porter. It's a simply, yet beautiful little song.

Nature Boy
There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he

And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return."

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return."

One of the absolute joys of the internet is I can now find the lyrics to many of the old songs I've loved, as well as information on the older artists who sang/wrote them. I do so love the internet!!

I am totally out of my element here. I need to find a specific song, download it and burn it to cd. I've never downloaded songs before so I have no idea where to look. Making the situation worse is the fact that the song is apparently hard to find.

The song I'm looking for is Two Tribes (Annihilation) by Frankie Goes To Hollywood. This song is about 9 minutes long and seems to be impossible to find. Amazing Brother has been searching for it for some time and he asked me to download it for him if I find it.

So I've added it to my 'To Do' list. *sigh*

Went shopping for Itty Bitty today. I hate going into pet stores because I have this uncontrollable urge to buy up all the animals and spirit them away to safer happier environments.

The sales person calmly said that the tree frogs they've had at the store eat crickets. That was it. Just crickets. So I browsed the array of foods for other frogs and lizards and bought three cans: meal worms, crickets, and something that looks like fruit flies. All these are dead, and sort of dried, but enhanced with vitamins and flavour. I've added some of the little flies to a pill lid and put it into Itty Bitty's tank. Hopefully he will eat them.

Also bought a couple of 15 watt blue lights. Blue is better for their eyes and since Itty Bitty is so tiny s/he won't need a stronger wattage. I still have the aquarium hood from when we had turtles so I'll try that tomorrow. Apparently they like temps not too hot but kind of cool and moist.

Bought a bottle of something to condition the water I mist into the tank but since I let the water sit overnight before using so the minerals will settle, I may not need this.

They had these cute little pools that look like wooden logs, but I think Itty Bitty will have to get by with a jar lid. It may not be esthetically pleasing but it does the job.

In all I spent over $36.00! On a tiny froggie no bigger than my thumb. What an expensive froggie he is proving to be!

While I was there I saw someone come in looking for snake food. This store does have pinkies and fuzzies in the back room, but they also had frozen ones. At least those babies were put to sleep and not terrorized before they died. Still, I had to get out of that part of the store. Just before I left, however, I saw they had cartons of crickets for sale. Live ones! I wanted to buy the lot and take them all home. If it had been summer I would have! I could hear them chirping inside the cartons. Poor crickets!!

I've noticed his color has changed a bit. He was a pale light brown when I got him home three days ago. Now he's a bronze colour. He is cute, but this little froggie better get used to pre-killed food!

Added a new dream list to my Curiosities section.

Added one more list to my Curiosities section.

I am so absolutely exhausted today. It is 8:15 p.m., and I've still got at least two hours of work to do before tomorrow, not to mention barn work later this evening and picking up Amazing Brother at midnight. But what I really want to do is sleep. Except that sleep brings ugly dreams and unrest.

Stayed up until 3:30 a.m. watching an old movie. Well, I guess 1999 makes it an old movie, just not an OLD movie. It was Franco Zeffirelli's Tea With Mussolini. What a lovely film! And what a cast: Cher, Judi Dench, Joan Plowright, Maggie Smith, and Lily Tomlin were the stars. The film took place in pre-WWII Florence, Italy. No spoilers here. If you're interested go rent the movie. I hadn't planned to watch but found myself so engrossed that before I knew it, time had flown by. Wish I had thought to tape it.

I love Maggie Smith! Had the pleasure of seeing her perform live at Stratford many years ago. She was starring with Brian Bedford and I got to see two of their plays: The Taming of the Shrew and Virginia. Seeing Maggie Smith live was such a high point for me. I'd loved her in movies, but being in the same room watching her perform was truly thrilling.

I miss being able to go to Stratford. A neighbour lady, Lorraine, who passed away quite a number of years ago, asked me to go with her. I'd been to see Hamlet and Macbeth while in school, and had become to enamored of Stratford that I was more than eager to accompany Lorraine. We went a couple of times and she paid the tab. If I remember correctly we saw Much Ado About Nothing, and the two with Maggie Smith.

The really nice thing about it was that Lorraine totally understood my feelings about live theatre. She sat long after the theatre had emptied just so I could still revel in the moment. She even suggested we go backstage and see if we could meet the actors, but I was so scared I declined. I didn't want to intrude on their personal time.

And she introduced me to Baklava! We went to this tiny little greek eatery and I sampled my first tasty morsels of that delicious dessert.

I think Lorraine knew just how small my world was. She understood that I was trapped in this little box and would probably never get out.

I miss Lorraine.

Weird how one movie, mixed with some serious lack of sleep, can generate old memories.

I've got gremlins. They have moved in to my tabulas and are beginning to really tick me off.

For almost a week now I've not been able to see my tag board entries. When I posted about this in the forum, they mysteriously came back. When I posted that they were back, they once again disappeared. I get a "Web Site Not Responding" message.

And there are times when my tabulas loads slower than molasses in January. Plus, there are some of my friends' tabulas' that I can access because I get the same "Web Site Not Responding" message.

I've updated my Windows, and I have no idea what version my Internet Explorer is. Since I am using Windows XP V.5.1 with SP2, supposedly I am using IE 6, but when I tried to download an update for that I got a message that says I have to have IE6. Actually I don't even click on my IE icon. With AOL I only use IE when there is a site that doesn't do well with AOL.

There are days when I really hate technology!!

Right now I'm just too tired to care.

******

After three days of trying I finally managed to get my Christmas card design uploaded. The problem wasn't the uploading but trying to get it fitted properly to their card template. I used their sizing but it still didn't fit.

I want to add a couple of things for Christmas, but don't know if I'll have time. We'll see.

I've been a busy little beaver and have added some Seasonal items to my online shop. Since I am a starving artist, I'd really appreciate everyone visiting and, hopefully, making a purchase.

Right now I am in the process of resizing some photos for a calendar for my shop but I'm frustrated because some of the photos aren't sharp enough to be enlarged to 10 x 8. I guess it really doesn't matter if the pics are good, or maybe I'll add two photos of similar nature to a page. Yes, that's what I might try.

I really don't know much about my photoshop software, but I'm really glad I bought it. I know it can do so much more than I'm using it for, but I haven't the time to figure it out right now.

Okay, gotta go put Bella back in her stall, then back to photo resizing.

Still with the gremlins!!! Earlier in the day I couldn't access Tabulas at all. Now I can access part of it, but other times I get the Web site may be broken message.

My account is up for renewal in December and all this inaccessibility is making me wonder if it is worthwhile. I still love Tabulas but I hate not being able to access it.

Also I see that Roy is offering a special deal (I'd place a link here but I can't access the page to get the URL) to get people to pay for an account. I think the paid members should be able to renew at the new price, maybe for a limited time, instead of having to cancel their account and then start a new account. If one cancels their account doesn't that mean they lose their templates, icons stored, photos stored etc.? And what about their name? Do they have to use a new name?

I'll no doubt renew, regardless of the price, because I really do love having a Tabulas account, but sometimes I feel very curmudgeonly and have to do a bit of bitching.

No sooner did I post my last message about gremlins messing with my Tabulas, but things cleared up.

Okay, gremlins, listen up! I AM NOT AMUSED!!! Please, enough is enough! I'm relatively easy to get along with, and I certainly try not to bitch every time you decide I am fair game to mess with. So, if it wouldn't be too much trouble -- and I am saying this with love in my heart -- bugger off!!!!!

Thank you.