I am Tallulah

... find the tiny piece of paper that you wrote the instructions on, and back up your Tabulas account and save it to your computer!

Why do I insist on writing notes on tiny pieces of paper................

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This morning Mother took her night pills instead of her morning pills. She was lost in thought and didn't check the container. She panicked and called me, and kept at it for the next hour, about what she had done and what was going to happen. The facts are that her pills don't specify when she is to take them, only that they are one a day, with the exception of one of the pills, and that is twice a day. The only reason she is taking them as she does is that the hospital was giving them to her this way. I can't foresee any problems and she will be back to the normal routine tomorrow. Now if she had doubled up on them, or taken morning and night's pills together, maybe there would be cause for concern. So she takes her coumadin in her evening pills, it just means she'll be running to the bathroom for a few hours afterwards, and that's not an issue since she stays up late into the night anyway. They wanted the coumadin taken in the morning so it wouldn't disturb her sleep, but she sleeps into the afternoon so this won't be an issue.

All that didn't make much sense maybe, but I'm really not interested in making sense right now.

I can't believe that she didn't look at the container first! I'm going to have to stand there and be sure she is taking the pills properly from now on.

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I am feeling antsy. I need to get this art stuff going, and yet something is holding me back. What is wrong with me?

What I really need is a break. There's no time for me in the family equation, and I'm getting lost in their issues.

Okay, that's fine. I can handle this. Need to start meditating, take some time to breathe. There must be a reason for all this. I need to walk in faith.

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"Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgement wage war against your passion and your appetite.

Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody.

But how shall I, unless you yourself be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements?"

A couple of years ago I read an amazing book and was so inspired that I wrote out the long passages to keep after I returned the book to the library. Over the next little while I want to share these favorites here with those who read my journal. May you find enlightenment in the words.

******

It was but yesterday we met in a dream. You have sung to me in my aloneness, and I of your longings have built a tower in the sky.
But now our sleep has fled and our dream is over, and it is no longer dawn.
The noontide is upon us and our half waking has turned to fuller day, and we must part.
If in the twilight of memory we should meet once more, we shall speak again together and you shall sing to me a deeper song.
And if our hands should meet in another dream we shall build another tower in the sky."

******

"In the stillness of the night I have walked in your streets, and my spirit has entered your houses, and your heart-beats were in my heart, and your breath was upon my face, and I knew you all."

******

"We wanderers, ever seeking the lonlier way, begin no day where we have ended another day; and no sunrise finds us where sunset left us. Even while the earth sleeps we travel."

******

"Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."

******

"And if you would know God, be not therefore a solver of riddles.
Rather look about you and you shall see Him playing with your children.
And look into space; you shall see Him walking in the clouds, outstretching His arms in the lightening and descending rain.
You shall see Him smiling in flowers, then rising and waving His hands in trees."

******

... more anon ...

"But if in your thoughts you must measure time into seasons, let each season encircle all the other seasons,
And let today embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing."

******

"Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace."

******

"When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay".
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain."

******

"And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught."

******

"And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness."

******

"And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its meaning and is refreshed."

******


... more anon ...

"You pray in your distress and in your need;
would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance."

******

"You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts;
And when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart you live in your lips, and sound is a diversion and a pastime.
And in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered.
For thought is a bird of space, that in a cage of words may indeed unfold its wings but cannot fly.
There are those among you who seek the talkative through fear of being alone.
The silence of aloneness reveals to their eyes their naked selves and they would escape.
And there are those who talk, and without knowledge or forethought reveal a truth which they themselves do not understand.
And there are those who have the truth within them, but they tell it not in words.
In the bosom of such as these the spirit dwells in rhythmic silence."

******

"When you meet your friend on the roadside or in the market-place, let the spirit in you move your lips and direct your tongue.
Let the voice within your voice speak to the ear of his ear;
For his soul will keep the truth of your heart as the taste of the wine is remembered
When the colour is forgotten and the vessel is no more."

******

"No man can reveal to you aught but that which already lies half asleep in the dawning of your knowledge.

The teacher who walks in the shadow of the temple, among his followers, gives not of his wisdom but rather of his faith and his lovingness.

If he is indeed wise he does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind.

And even as each one of you stands alone in God's knowledge so must each one of you be alone in his knowledge of God and in his understanding of the earth."

******

"Say not, "I have found the truth", but rather, "I have found a truth."
Say not, "I have found the path of the soul". Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."
For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals."

******

"Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgement wage war against your passion and your appetite.

Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody.

But how shall I, unless you yourselves be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements?

Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion, that it may sing;
And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may lie through its own daily ressurection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.

Among the hills, when you sit in the cool shade of the white poplars, sharing the peace and serenity of distant fields and meadows -- then let your heart say in silence, "God rests in reason."

And when the storm comes, and the mighty wind shakes the forest, and thunder and lightening proclaim the majesty of the sky -- then let your heart say in awe, "God moves in passion."

And since you are a breath in God's sphere, and a leaf in God's forest, you too should rest in reason and move in passion."

******


... more anon ...

The hurdles that have to be overcome just keep on coming!

Today I paid $9.15 Cdn for duty on a tee shirt from CafePress. The tee shirt cost less than $20 US, so when you add in the exchange rate, shipping, and duty, this simple tee shirt is about $30 Cdn. The seller only makes about $5 per shirt.

There is something really wrong here. I know CP handles everything from the merchandising to the credit card payments and website maintenance. But in reality they are the only ones making any money in this thing.

Same deal with ebay. The fees to sell items is unbelievable. The seller is barely making any money on the endeavor.

A friend was saying the same thing to me yesterday and we both are thinking of another way to handle this. I am really not happy with the fact that my Canadian and International customers are having to pay such exorbitant costs. When I think of the church fundraising shop, how will we raise any funds if customers have to pay almost double the cost of an item in duty alone?

At first CP seemed like the way to go, but I'm having serious second thoughts. I haven't paid for a shop yet, and I'm wondering now whether I will at all. Maybe I should just utilize CP as my manufacturer and buy the items myself, selling them on my own website, and accepting only paypay as my form of payment. The only problem with that idea is it's necessary to have the money to make the initial stock purchases.

Or I could set up a shop for Cdn./Intl. customers, in addition to the CP shop. The prices would be the same, but maybe there would be a way to lessen the duty and shipping costs.

HURDLES! HURDLES! HURDLES!

"To you the earth yields her fruit, and you shall not want if you but know how to fill your hands.
It is in exchanging the gifts of the earth that you shall find abundance and be satisfied.
Yet unless the exchange be in love and kindly justice it will but lead some to greed and others to hunger."

******

"And before you leave the market-place, see that no one has gone his way with empty hands.
For the master spirit of the earth shall not sleep peacefully upon the wind till the needs of the least of you are satisfied."

******

"Your clothes conceal much of your beauty, yet they hide not the unbeautiful.
And though you seek in garments the freedom of privacy, you may find in them a harness and a chain.
Would that you could meet the sun and the wind with more of your skin and less of your raiment.
For the breath of life is in the sunlight and the hand of life is in the wind."

******

"Forget not that modesty is for a shield against the eye of the unclean.
And when the unclean shall be no more, what were modesty but a fetter and a fouling of the mind?
And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair."

******

"When love beckons you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden."

******

"All those things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of life's heart."

******

"Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires,
let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstacy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips."

******


The quotes from the last couple of days comes from "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran. An inspirational book and well worth reading.

The idea thus far: to keep the cafepress shop for the time being. This way I can still sell to those who wish to purchase from there, and I can utilize the CP shop as my manufacturer. I can purchase the items at the base rate, and if I order 15 or more of one item there is an additional price brake.

Along with the CP shop, create my own website. I have a lot of stuff I wanted to sell on ebay but I could join the vintage sales with sales of my own art and products from CP. I already have a Paypal account so payments for the items could be made that way.

The downsides: Wouldn't be able to accept credit cards. Would need to purchase stock upfront and store it myself. Would have to pay for the stock first. Would need to create a website, and find hosting that I could afford and that was reliable. This would cost $$$ that I don't have, but I could add to the credit card if I know I can recoup the costs quickly. However, it will also cost me to buy a CP shop, and ebay fees. Either choice means I still have the issue of promoting my shop. CP really isn't helping with that issue. Ebay already has traffic flow so sellers have a ready market. But the fees make setting up shop unattractive to me. Why give someone else my money when I can focus that into my own site.

The upsides: Would be able to sell to Cdn. and Intl. customers at a more reasonable rate. The costs of the item could remain the same, but I could pass on some savings in the postal/duty costs. Could maybe find some local shops in nearby towns that might be interested in carrying such things as tee shirts etc. Would have more control over my level of profit.

The biggest problem: When will I find the time to create art???? I don't want to be so caught up in the business end that I don't have time to be creative.

So, what if I decided to buy a CP shop and keep doing what I originally thought, selling there and trying to get my stuff in local shops, utilizing CP as my manufacturer. If I just, for the time being, left the fact that it costs so much for anyone outside the US to purchase my stuff. It is, after all, art and art isn't cheap. Can I live with the fact that I'm not making squat with the CP sales and concentrate on getting my work out to other places? I could still sell my stuff on my own website as long as I kept the process really simple.

I need more information.........

The duty has to be paid no matter who makes the purchases from CP. So I'm just going to have to live with that fact unless I can find a Canadian manufacturer who can produce on demand the stuff that CP does.

Okay, so I have to live with that. Then I need to purchase a CP shop so I can expand my product line to include more designs. And I need to create my own website to sell my vintage/used items. The site can link to my CP shop. Still should check into selling my stuff locally, but will have to raise the prices to cover the extra costs of exchange rate and duty. Need to look into webhosting costs, and maybe see if I can sell via a free tripod site. I'm not sure if they allow one to run a business with their free sites.

Okay, I can do this.......

I did a little updating of Share The Voice, my literary site. The colours are better, but I still don't like the title font and I have no control over it because I used a template. Need to revamp my journal too, but will hold off until I decide whether to buy a template.

Thanks to MacDaddy Tatsu, I now have much better colours on my Share The Voice literary site. Big Hugs to MDT!!!!

I was going to try and make changes here in my journal, but I don't just want to make colour changes but design changes as well. That is beyond my abilities at this time.

I was going to begin some literary stuff but decided to post this instead. The meaning behind the lyrics are worth remembering.

******

Where You Are
~ Josh Groban

Who can say for certain, maybe you're still here.
I feel you all around me, your memory so clear.
Deep in the stillness I can hear you speak.
You're still an inspiration.
Can it be that you are mine forever, love,
and you are watching over me from up above?
Fly me up to where you are, beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile,
if only for a while, to know you're there,
a breath away's not far to where you are.
Are you gently sleeping here inside my dream,
and isn't faith believing all power can't be seen?
As my heart holds you, just one beat away,
I cherish all you gave me everyday.
Because you are mine, forever love,
watching me from up above.
And I believe that angels grieve,
as our love will live on and never leave.
Fly me up to where you are, beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile,
if only for a while, to know you're there,
a breath away's not far to where you are.
I know you're there...
a breath away's not far to where you are.

Thought I'd successfully made the colour changes to my tabulas, but found a few things still needing change. So I went back, made the changes, but NOTHING HAPPENED! The stuff I tried to change, didn't change.

Is it because once you've created the style sheet, you aren't able to edit it?

Not really thrilled with the changes I've made. It needs a nice vintage graphic, and a more vintage feel. Also can't seem to change the font size or style for the "I am Tallullah..." bit. And I'd like to move a few things around. Also, the yellow in the tag box is too, well, yellow. I want it a paler shade.

At least it's easier to read the text. The small white on black that I had before was a bit hard on the eyes. I still have that style sheet so if I get bored, which I oftimes do, I can switch back.

Right now the sun has disappeared, it's overcast and threatening rain. I feel as blah as it looks outside.

Added a couple of pages to my Contents sections. I'm not sure about using that section. When I want to save this journal to my computer, I don't think that section is saved.

I still can't find my instructions on how to save it to my computer. Really do need to get organized. Maybe when I have a bit more energy..........................

Found a couple of things I wanted to add to my literary site. Only managed to add one. However, I did change the picture on the site. I think the new one works better.

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From The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
King Melchizedek tells Santiago about "The Mysterious Force":

"It's a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realize your destiny. It prepares your spirit and your will, because there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It's your mission on earth."

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Extra Prayer
When the world falls down around you
And a prayer will see you through,
Say an extra prayer for someone
Who may need it more than you.
For who knows what hearts are breaking
In the silence of the night?
Just that extra prayer you whisper
May help someone see the light!
Everytime you help a stranger
With an extra prayer -- or two --
You are building secret blessings
That will all come back to you!

~ Nick Kenny, Poems to Inspire

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POP QUIZ...

What is an Oonaz (Oonass)?

So tired today! Stayed up until 3 a.m. backing up files. Managed to store this journal to my hard drive, complete with comments. All for posterity. I took Tatsu's advice and copied my entries to a word document and stored it that way. Now I can keep it updated without much problem.

Finally discovered the name of the talented actor who has been featured in "Canadian" beer commercials lately: J.R. Bourne . What a cutie!

Still have to head to town and do mother's banking. Some days I wish I could just stay in bed and sleep...........zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Pop Quiz Answer:

Congratulations to MacDaddy Tatsu for correctly answering the question "What is an Oonaz? !! See his answer here.

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When I Grow To Old To Dream

"When I grow to old to dream,
I'll have you to remember.
When I grow to old to dream,
your love will live in my heart.
So kiss me my sweet,
and so let us part,
And when I grow to old to dream,
that kiss will live in my heart."

Finally got online! My brother was hogging the internet. Yes, I hate to admit it, but we've only got dial-up, and that means only one person online at a time. Also means no one can phone in, which really doesn't bother me a bit. That's what my cell phone is for.

Right now I am wearing my lovely new tee shirt designed by MacDaddy Tatsu, which can be purchased from his shop, Myxis. The design is fabulous. The tee shirt, although probably made in a sweat shop in Mexico (yes, it's made in Mexico), is well-constructed. You should definitely check out his shop and see the great stuff he has designed.

Late last night/the wee hours of this morning I enjoyed two Bette Davis movies. The first one was "Now, Voyager" (1942). The last line of the movie will stay with me forever: "Oh Jerry, lets not ask for the moon. We have the stars." The movie was incredible, on so many levels, and I empathized with Bette's character so much. The second movie was "Jezebel" (1938) and, again, it was fabulous! I can see why Bette Davis became such an icon of movies. This woman can say more with her eyes that most people could ever hope to say in words. Nor did the actress shy away from playing tarnished/damaged characters. If you haven't seen "Now, Voyager" or "Jezebel", do check them out. They are available on video but you can often find a Bette Davis picture playing somewhere on cable or late-night television.

It's been eons since I watched any of my classic movies. I'd forgotten how powerful black and white movies can be. I am so against the colorization process that many movies have undergone. It diminishes the movie. There is something compelling about watching a serious picture done black and white. I can't even begin to imagine watching Ronald Colman in "A Tale of Two Cities", filmed in 1935. Watching as he gives his speech "It is a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done. It is a far, far better place I go too than I have ever been," mixed with the somber tones of the black and white film, makes his speech even more compelling.

I remember being in high school english class and the class moaning about having to sit through a b&w film of this classic. However, by the end of that film, there wasn't a dry eye in the classroom. How I wish those actors could see a classroom full of jaded students of the future watching their movie and responding so emotionally. What a tribute to the acting and techical skills of all involved.

This afternoon I enjoyed re-watching "Close Encounters of the Third Kind". I am such a fan of Richard Dreyfuss. If you haven't seen him in the Section Eight Production called "Fail Safe" (also filmed in b&w!), do check it out when it comes on again. His performances always move me. Perhaps because he has such an average countenance -- he's not that attractive, but he's compelling. With this afternoon's movie I found I still get weepy at the end. I have a little close encounter-type story, but I'll spare you the details here.

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One of my all-time favorites..."

"Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises?
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."

If anyone hears a blood-curdling scream coming from Hawaii, that will be Tatsu as he flings himself off the highest cliff top into the ocean, screaming "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!! THAT CRAZY CANADIAN CHICK IS DRIVING ME MAD!!!!"

It is true. I have been making life very difficult for this poor soul ever since he graciously offered to make me a Tabulas template. He completed the template and sent it to me for my input. Poor soul! He had no idea what he was setting himself up for. I sent him revisions. Yes, I am ashamed to admit, I asked for changes. It would not surprise me if he wasn't ready at that point to throttle me.

The first draft of the template was lovely. I was truly amazed. However, it still didn't feel right yet. As an artist I am very particular about things like colour, photo placements, layouts, and general ambience. Not only did I ask for colour changes, I asked to have pictures removed, changed, font changes and layout changes.

At this point it warrants saying that I know absolutely nothing about creating templates for the internet. I am so totally clueless as to the amount of work that goes into this process and the difficulties making changes entails.

That didn't stop me from asking for changes.

I am truly an ungrateful witch.

In fairness, I did warn him that I might be a tad picky when it comes to my template. However, I am sure that was not nearly warning enough.

True to his creative nature, however, Tatsu has risen to this challenge and was even about to purchase, out of pocket, the fonts he needed. (I finally figured out how to copy them from my computer and sent them to him today.) Tatsu has embraced this project like the true professional designer that he is, and is still hard at work re-designing my template. I know that in the end this template will be a masterpiece, and one for his portfolio.

However, the poor guy may never be the same again.

I hope this doesn't completely jade him from ever again offering his services.

To Tatsu: Thank you for enduring all this, and for all the hard work you are putting into this project.

I wanted to use an avatar (the one I use here) on a message board that I've frequented for over three years, but needed an URL for the photo. So I loaded it to Yahoo Photo, but still couldn't load it to the message board. Even tried my Lightbox 7 account, which I've never used, but still no luck.

Maybe it's time to get a Fotki account. Kathrin uses this and it works for her.

One day I'll manage to actually learn how all this works. I love the technology, but am often frustrated by it.

---

"Oh, that You would bless me indeed,
and enlarge my territory.
That Your hand would be with me,
and that You would keep me from evil,
that I might not cause pain."
~ 1 Chronicles 4:10

A friend has learned that her beloved cat is nearing death, with maybe only a few days left. She is understandably upset about this. If you could spare a tiny prayer for her kitty, it would be most appreciated.

A Prayer for Animals
~by Albert Schweitzer

Hear our humble prayer, O God, for our friends the animals, especially for animals who are suffering; for any that are hunted or lost or deserted or frightened or hungry; for all that must be put to death. We entreat for them all Thy mercy and pity, and for those who deal with them we ask a heart of compassion and gentle hands and kindly words. Make us, ourselves, to be true friends to animals, and so to share the blessings of the merciful.

After visiting Roy's journal, the topic started me thinking.

When I was a child living in a SW Ontario city, there were only two black families living in the community. Whilst in public school there were no Asian students at my school. At the first high school I went to there were two Asian girls, who both hung out together, and maybe a couple of black students. When we moved out to this rural community the high school reflected the ethnic background of the community: European white. The only ethnicity the community came in contact with was the off-shore workers from Mexico and Jamaica who came during the summer.

Fortunately for me I became involved Canada World Youth, a wonderful NPO that brings youth from across Canada and from developing countries together to learn and experience each others lifestyles. My community was very fortunate to host not the usual two, but four different exchanges. This was an opportunity for the community to step outside itself and embrace other cultures, on a purely one-to-one basis. We hosted two exchanges with Sri Lanka, one with Pakistan, and one a latin country - I was not involved with this one so I don't know the country.

Not being able to enjoy the diversity of cultures has always made living here difficult for me. My friends were those black families when I was a child, and my best friend is Sri Lankan. Today I have friends who are Tamil, Pakistani, German, American, Hawaiian, and Asian. I cannot say I totally understand some of their cultures, but I want to understand and my friends are willing to share.

Today our village does have a black family living here, and three Asian families. The Kims, a Korean family, bought the old grocery store and now have a successful and very busy variety store. I don't know the other family who bought the old restaurant. I think they might be Chinese, but that is only based on the fact that they turned the restaurant to Chinese cuisine, and unfortunately it didn't do well. The other family is Chinese, and bought a tiny little shop in a one-shop town outside where I live, and run a little variety store and take-out Chinese and Canadian food. I believe he also drives a school bus. I like going to buy take out there because I can sit and watch the Chinese cookery shows they have on tv whilst they work. I have also noticed a real attempt at making the off-shore workers feel more at home, with multi-language signs in the doctor's office, the post office, the grocery store -- something unheard of many years ago. It is a step in the right direction, but there is a long way to go.

The point of my ramble is that most young people living in small communities will head to university/college, and be faced with culture shock. As much as I hate to say it, I have seen racism in this community, and that spreads when the youth raised in that environment leave the area. How will we every rid the world of racism if we continue to live our separate existences? If we keep that invisible border between us? If we do not have the opportunity to ask questions, and see other cultures how will we know if we are inadvertently spreading social racism? Living only within one culture is far too isolating and only fuels the propagandas/lies/myths/fears that keep people from truly loving one another.

---

Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace
~ St. Francis of Asissi

Make me a channel of Your peace:
where there is hatred, let me bring Your love;
where there is injury, Your healing pow'r,
and where there's doubt, true faith in You.

Make me a channel of Your peace:
where there's despair in life let me bring hope;
where there is darkness, only light,
and where there's sadness, ever joy.

O Spirit, grant that I may never seek
so much to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love with all my soul.

Make me a channel of your peace.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
in giving to all that we receive,
and in dying that we're born to eternal life.

This marks the official unveiling of my new tabulas template!


You will notice a few changes. The menu has been reworded to a much more expressive display. A couple of topics have been removed since I never utilized them.

The tag board is now "Calling Cards". If anyone is familiar with Victorian life, visitors to a person's home would leave a calling card to say they had been there. The cards would be left in a basket on a table in the foyer. If one was popular, their basket would be overflowing by day's end. If one received a calling card one was obligated by good manners to return the favour.

My literary website, online shop and church fundraiser shop are nicely displayed at the top of the page so feel free to click on their icons and check them out.

Needless to say, I - love - this - template!!!!!

My sincere thanks goes to
MacDaddy Tatsu for creating this masterpiece. He has truly been blessed with creative talents. Please visit his online shop MYXIS. Do stop in, make a purchase and help support a struggling artist.

And last but not least, Please pay for your Tabulas Account! Roy has created such an amazing tool for journaling and has done so without the aid of advertising dollars. He should not be expected to shoulder the financial burden of this site all on his own. Show your support by paying for your journal.

Went to see "Alien vs Predator" tonight. There was a lost hour and a half of my life.

I have only seen Predator, not P2, or any of the Alien pics, but one would have to live in a cave to not have at least a modicum of knowledge regarding these movies. Plus I had Amazing Brother sitting beside me so I listened to him as he tore the movie apart. In his words, "They have completely rewritten Alien for this movie."

No spoilers here, however. If you are interested in that genre of movie, go see it and form your own opinion.

From my perspective the movie spent way to much time setting the scene, and not much time in actual action. I usually enjoy good action movies, but this one left me yawning. I have seen better movies on television.


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After doing a little reorganization of my office space I came across the following. I think it was used by the minister in one of his services.

St. Patrick's Breastplate

I bind unto myself today the strong name of the Trinity, by invocation of the same, the three in one and one in three.
I bind this day to me forever, by power of faith, Christ's incarnation, hs baptism in the Jordan River, his cross of death for my salvation, his bursting from the spiced tomb, his riding up the heavenly way, his coming at the day of doom, I bind unto myself today.
I bind unto myself today the virtues of the starlit heaven, the glorious suns' lifegiving ray, the whiteness of the moon at even, the flashing of the lightning free, the whirling wind's tempestuous shocks, the stable earth, the deep salt sea, around the old eternal rocks.
I bind unto myself today the power of God to hold and lead, his eye to watch, his might to stay, his ear to hearken to my need, the wisdom of my God to teach, his hand to guide, his shield to ward, the Word of God to give me speech, his heavenly host to be my guard.
I bind unto myself the name, the strong name of the Trinity, by invocation of the same, the three in one and one in three, of whom all nature has creation, eternal Father, Spirit, Word.
Praise to the Lord of my salvation; salvation is of Christ the Lord!


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I also came across this little quote. Do not know who wrote it or where it came from. I googled it but still no idea. It may have come from a movie. If you know its origins, do tell.

"Fear not brave souls, for I am off to fight dragons in another land. I promise we will meet again, though I do not know when, but until then, you have my love to keep you warm."

Tossing and turning all night.
Dreams!
Travelling.
Not in a vehicle, but walking.
Walking everywhere.
Walking but never stopping.
Passing people who turn to watch.
They stare as I walk past, but no interaction.
No contact with the enviroments I am walking though.
Never tiring, just walking, walking, more walking.
Walking past market stalls in Marakesh, past flea market stalls in tiny towns, looking but not stopping.
Walking through forests, along roadsides, through cities, across deserts, along rivers.
Never stopping.
Looking, always looking.
Searching for something.
Never finding it.

What am I searching for?
Why can I not stop?

Always the same dream.
Different scenes, but the same searching, the same walking.




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On the drive home last night I saw a huge flock of starlings headed for a grove of trees to spend the night. There had to be hundreds of them. The swallow babies on the front porch have fledged and I don't see any swallows hanging around. If they have not yet left they soon will. The trees have already started turning colour. One on our road is completely red and gold.

Signs of fall. A sad time for me.

I am not looking forward to winter.

If you have never read E.M. Forster's The Machine Stops, look it up online and read it. Considering this story was written in 1909, it still stands up today.

It had been years since I read that story, and last night I had an opportunity to re-read it. I had forgotten parts of it and, perhaps because I was young when I first read it, had completely misunderstood the ending until last night.

When we realize how thoroughly entrenched the internet is to most societies today, that story seems an almost eerie warning. There are people today who live entirely within their homes and cyberspace. Their only friends those they have met online. Society has almost completely replace handwritten letters with the email, telephone conversations with IMs, video conferencing instead of in-person visits, and the possibilities keep growing.

With the increase in global warming, pollution, population growth, environmental disasters, and terrorism, perhaps one day humans will no longer roam the earth as we do now, but live isolated existences, so as to stay untainted by humanity, and physical contact will no longer be acceptable. Some might scoff at these scenarios, but consider this: space travel was once only the domain of story books, as was flying, automobiles and many other minor inventions.


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If you found the above story interesting, there is an even better short story, by Ray Bradbury, There Will Come Soft Rains. That one still moves me, even though I must have read it a dozen times over the years.


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Why do we have online journals? If the purpose is to write out our thoughts, aspirations etc., why don't we do it privately? What is the purpose of putting our thoughts into cyberspace for total strangers to read? Is it to satisfy that voyeuristic part of us, the curiosity that needs satiating? Are we secretly looking for validation? Is it just a means of communicating with friends, like a sort of personal message board?

When we post in our journals do we post the truth? Or do we guild the lily and attempt to make ourselves more than we feel we really are? Do we tell it like it is, baring our souls for the unwashed masses, leaving ourselves open to potential ridicule? Do we struggle to find words to post, realizing that our lives are really very boring, or are we so full of things to say that the posts would be far too long to read if we wrote out everything that happend in our day?

Do we share our journals with our loved ones, our in-person compatriots, or merely our online buddies? Do we keep not only an on-line journal but a hand-written one as well? If so, why is it a mortal sin for anyone to read our hand-written journal, but welcomed when someone reads our on-line journal?

Why is it okay for total strangers to see behind our mask, but not those we live with daily?

Am I asking too many questions?


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In the wee hours of this morning I found myself alternately awake and asleep. Whilst asleep I dreamed of weird little replicators - a combination of the movie I watched last night ("Screamers") and SG-SG1 episodes. Whilst awake, I pondered whether there were any people using Tabulas who are 30+. How about 40+? Or 50+? Or even 60+? Is on-line journaling only the domain of youth?

When I was browsing the Tabulas communities list a few days ago, I noticed a community for 20+. Maybe there should be communities for 30+, 40+ etc. Would anyone join?

I need more sleep...........

Officially back to working for the church again, p/t, and having no idea what is in store now that they have gone to a half-time minister.

Yesterday went to the church and cleaned the office. Why they thought they could move the desk around is beyond me. That office is the size of a closet and the desk is the second largest piece of furniture there. Then there is that ancient-but-antique safe, usable only for storage, and not fireproof. If someone locks the door we'll never get the stuff out that I've stored inside because no one knows the combination. I informed them that moving the desk was out of the question. Yes, the feng shui of the room is all wrong, but if they move the desk, it won't help.

Of course, they were clueless as to what I meant by feng shui.

So the room will remain as is. I've asked for a shelf to be built between the chimney and the wall so we can store paper. I may end in building it myself.

I am only supposed to work six hours a week, and already I've used up five hours just working throught the box of unfinished paperwork left by the out-going minister. I have a feeling I will be putting in lots of unpaid hours this year.

To keep it all straight and make time for my art and writing, I've got to find a way to stay organized. I need a time-keeping schedule and a better way of keeping everything organized. Must work on that.