I am Tallulah

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After reading about events today in Egypt, on the anniversary of the beginning of the revolution, there are many thoughts running through my mind.

I find myself wondering how my Egyptian friends feel about things now. Are they optimistic, worried, angry, resigned? I suspect the feelings are mixed. Things having unfolded as they had hoped and it seems that they are still under control of the old regime. However, they have managed to unseat one dictator, and there is still fire in their souls, so I have faith they will continue to forge ahead and, as Shakespeare put it, "damned be he who first cries, hold, enough!"

I am cautiously optimistic, but must admid to feeling some concern about certain issues, such as the attacks on women. I travel alone, and want to come to Egypt one of these days. Non-Egy friends tell me I'm crazy to want to go there. That won't stop me, but I will admit to being concerned.

The positive me believes things will start to improve, but the practical me knows it can't until SCAF is removed, and I don't see them relinquishing power any time soon. I wondered whether there was a chance for the government to reduce the scope of their power, but I don't sense any desire to do so from the MB.

The revolution continues.

It is Jan 25 in Egypt, one year since the revolution. This post is dedicated to all those who have lost their lives, to the families of the martyrs, to all those injured, and to all those who still fight for Eish, Hurriya, Karama Ensaneyya (Bread, Freedom, Human Dignity) in Egypt. Erfaa rasak foa', enta masry (hold your head up high, you're Egyptian). As I have since Jan. 2011, I salute you, and stand in solidarity with you. Allah yhfazkom (may God keep you safe). Tahya Masr (long live Egypt)!

I've been reading comments from Egyptians whose opinions I value, and am sensing that they are more than a little concerned about a MB/Salafi parliament.

Can't help wondering what effects this kind of government will have, not only on Egyptian society as a whole, but namely: women's issues, animals rights issues, individual freedom, tourism, the Arts, the non-Egyptians living in country right now and those who wish to move there.

Someone said the new government should be given a chance to prove itself, and if the people aren't happy, they can vote the government out in four years. My concern is that the government will change that, as dictators do, and remain in power, thus carrying on the regime, altered only by their own vision.

My fear is that the revolutionaries will be systematically rounded up, and disappear into prison, or worse. And I also fear that many more people will die trying to fight for freedom.

I am trying to remain positive, but when I read the words of revolutionaries who have, to this point, been stalwart in their belief of a free secular Egypt, it can be challenging to hold positive thoughts.

That said, no revolution has been accomplished in 18 days, or even a year. My thoughts and prayers will continue for Egypt, and all the M.E. nations still fighting for freedom.

In a few hours 2011 will be over. Where did the year go? So much has happened, so much has changed. And so much will never be the same again. The world has opened up in an unprecedented way, with people connecting to each other around the globe, talking about issues that are changing their world. Communication, on a global stage, but from the grassroots population.

It has been an educational year, exposing myths and tearing down boundaries erected by governments to keep us from knowing our neighbours. We learned just how many lies we've been spoon-fed by our leaders, all in the name of protecting us. Our governments, people we've elected, have been less than honest in their dealing with us, and with other countries.

While our Arab brothers and sisters were taking to the streets to demand transparency of government, freedom, and an end to tyranny, we discovered our own leaders have become highly proficient at keeping the wool pulled over our collective eyes. Our freedom, we learned, is superficial and can be revoked at any time if we dare to stand up and demand an accounting for the mess we are all in. Tearing back the fascade of civility, we discovered the rot we've been living with but never knew.

During 2011 we watched old regimes fall as oppressed people rose up to claim their freedom. Other people are still fighting for their rights, with regimes so firmly entrenched that the only way to get rid of them is through bloodshed and violence. For them 2012 will be their year for victory.

Over the last year we met amazing, dedicated, passionate people willing to put their lives on the line to free their countries from dictators. We learned about their lives, their loves, their humour, and their sadness. We mourned those who lost their lives. We celebrated victories, and stressed over ongoing issues. We became Tunisian, Egyptian, Libyan, Syrian, Bahraini, Yemeni, and found that what happens to the people in "those countries" really does affect the rest of us. We can never be truly free if our brothers and sisters are enslaved.

New friendships were forged this year via social media, connecting kindred spirits in an astounding way. Helping hands reached out across borders to lend physical, financial, and moral support. That will continue into 2012, and years beyond, hopefully. We can never again allow ourselves to look away, to accept the bigotry and racism. We must change our dialogue from 'them and us' to 'we'.

Also during 2011 our beleagered planet suffer excruciating pains, with hurricanes, tornados, earthquakes, and tsunamis. Nuclear disaster occurred in Japan, with recovery still years away. The poor animals suffered greatly as well. In Japan there are animals still roaming the area around the nuclear disaster, their owners forbidden to return home. Many animals starved to death in their stalls, waiting for someone to come and care for them. In various parts of the world species of life have become extinct, or are so near to extinction that it is questionable whether their survival is even possible.

Dedicated Libyans managed to protect the Tripoli Zoo animals from harm during the sustained battles to remove Gaddafi from power. Today they are facing a possible disaster as their funds to feed the animals dwindles to nothing. They will need donations to help keep things going until tourism can bring in revenues to carry on.

In Egypt the pyramid horses were victims of the lack of tourism. While some claim this was a result of the revolution, the true culprit was the global economic downturn. Many horses starved to death, their bodies laying contorted in a large field, the pain of death still showing in their faces. Other horses, their bodies emaciated from starvation, arrived at feed days sponsored by charities like ESMA (Egyptian Society for Mercy to Animals). These feed days were held over the year, funded by donations from people both inside Egypt and around the world. There has been some improvement but it is a long way from being sorted. With no laws to protect these poor creatures their lives are at the whim of man.

For me, 2011 was a learning experience, some of it good, some of it not so good. The good part was connecting via social media to amazing people in the Middle East and other parts of the world. I learned more about MENA than I'd ever learned in school. So many misconceptions, assimilated through the years, were cleared away. I even rediscovered a latent interest in Egypt.

As I watched the passion and commitment of the revolutionaries, I had a sad epiphany: I'd done nothing with my life that even came close to making a difference in the world. I wanted to join them, in the streets, to raise my voice for something that had real meaning. Their fight was not my fight, but it was my fight, in a strange way. I had been captured by their desires, and by the strength of their commitment. I'd only read about people who did that. They were the stuff of legends, history. I never knew real activists, people who put their actions into words. Watching them was inspiring, yet sad too because I will probably never know that kind of life, that kind of passion. Realizing that is sobering.

I reconnected with my passion for animals this year when I became involved with ESMA. I hope that in my small way I can make a contribution to help the horses in Egypt. I miss my own horses very much, so by doing some fundraising for ESMA I may be able to do something positive. I would love to visit Egypt one day and help out with the feed days. That said, my real hope is that one day the feed days will no longer be needed.

The other major issue in 2011 was a personal one. My dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 Esophagael Cancer in July. He went through radiation treatment, and is still receiving chemo. We have no idea whether he will be ok. For me it's become a treacherous balancing act, trying to remain positive for him, keeping his appointments and information straight, answering his questions, going to treatments, and keeping my brother in the loop, all the while battling with my panic that he might not make it. I hope that 2012 will bring Dad good news. Maybe then we can all breathe again, and pick up what's left of our lives.

My wish for all of you: a prosperous, healthy, safe, and joyous 2012. To all in the MENA, I wish for you peace, freedom, and an end to oppression. I am not sure whether 2012 will be the last year for us all, but if it is, thank you for all you have contributed to my life. I am eternally grateful.

Goodbye 2011.

Christmas is the time when I take stock of the blessings received over the year. This certainly has been a year of many emotions, of learning, of making new friends, and of giving back. From the changes in the Middle East in January, my Dad's diagnosis with Stage 4 Esophageal cancer in July, to the ongoing treatments and dealing with the physical and emotional issues of Cancer, it has been a year of changes. Through it all, there have been wonderful people who have shared their experiences, humour, knowledge, and compassion. The following are people who, for various reasons, have become very special to me and this is my tribute to them.

Merylin and Bob: from the moment I told Merylin about Dad's cancer diagnosis, she and Bob took charge of transportation. Their support, advice, humour, understanding, and friendship has become one of the few things Dad can count on during his days of radiation, chemo, tests, doctor visits and endless questions by nameless medical people. There aren't enough words to say thank you to them, but I'll keep trying to find more. Merylin and Bob live their religion, with no preaching needed. They give of themselves, from the heart, and ask nothing in return. May God always bless them.

Paula: you have more energy than anyone I know and are always there for family and friends, I feel very honoured to call you my friend. Even though you are dealing with this dreadful disease in your own family, you never fail to touch base with encouraging words, or sharing your own experiences to help me with Dad. Will keep your mum in my thoughts and prayers.

Patty: this has been a very rough year for you, losing two beautiful dogs, and how having to give up your horse because you have no place to board her and no funds to pay for it. Along with caring for your husband, you also have taken on the responsibility of caring for your elderly aunt, a huge challenge, and one that many people would not accept. Through it all, you find time to ask me how I'm doing with Dad. You were such a support when my mum was failing, and you continue to be a wonderful friend, and a real blessing. Thank you so much.

Simon: we've not kept in contact much this past year, which I miss, but I understand the reason why. I hope you are happy, content, and enjoying life with Gina. You will always be family.

@bebird, @carol27, @SazzleUK, @Eowyn9, @basher57, DELS58, @W4SUL, and all the #TFFs I've come to know and cherish: awesome people! Your dedication to causes you support is inspiring. Together we have focused on the Middle East, cheering their successes, stressing about their safety, and mourning their losses. We have shed many tears over the parting of Mo Nabbous, who won our hearts and will remain with us forever. You have no idea how much you have helped me this year. You gave me something to focus on, besides what was happening at home. You've been supportive, helpful, and always there to send a prayer or positive message. @W4SUL, am including you in this group because you never fail to ask about my Dad even though you have your own ailments. You are all truly angels!

With the unfolding of events in the Middle East I found myself completely in the dark sometimes as to what was going on. These next individuals have helped me sort the issues, the players, and the events, and have illustrated what passionate, committed people can do when they step up to the plate. I so wish I could be like them, because they aren't just sitting back talking about making a difference, they are actually out there, doing it!

@sandmonkey: I've followed your blog for some time now, and I appreciate your honesty and intelligence. This past year you have been a very important source for me to understand the issues happening in Egypt. I value your viewpoints, and look forward to a day when Egypt will be the kind of country you envision.

@AEIMassry and @Elazul: two guys who very kindly answer my questions even though the questions  might be lame or seem uninformed. Not really sure why you put up with my lack of knowledge, but I'm very grateful for your help and patience.

Mona Eltahawy (@monaeltahawy): from Mona I have not only learned some Revolutionary Arabic (the list keeps growing), but more importantly, what it's like to be a strong, independent Egyptian woman today.

@mosaaberizing and @3arabawy:  I am always inspired by your photographs showing people chanting, fighting, and dying, for freedom. You tell a powerful story with your images! I yearn to be that kind of photographer, but doubt I ever will.  Instead, I will watch, learn, and follow your work as you show the world what is happening in Egypt.

This year I discovered, to my dismay, the plight of the starving pyramid horses in Giza. ESMA (Egyptian Society for Mercy to Animals) has been working diligently to provide food and medical aid to the horses, and educating the owners. It is an ongoing effort that would not be possible if not for dedicated volunteers and donations. Which brings me to my final thanks.

Sherif Amasha: when I see the photos of you tending to starving pyramid horses, I see such compassion. There is a Zen quality to you that the animals instinctively respond to. The horse that is rearing up as it's owner holds the lead, calms down as you take the rope, and stands, looking at you in the way only a horse can, seeing in you kindness. Horses are a special creature, and when they look into our eyes, they see our souls. Your hand might be the first hand ever to touch them with gentleness. I know you are part of a team of people who do wonderful things for these horse but I also know you do much more than what we see in the photos, taking time from your busy life to educate the horse owners, responding to their questions, helping where and when you are able. There isn't enough words to express my gratitude for all you do for them. Thank you, a thousand times. You are a kind man, and such a blessing!

To all listed here, thank you! I am honoured to have met you, even if only online.

My Christmas wish for each of you: may you have love, laughter, and light in your life, and may 2012 be full of joy and peace.

Dad goes to the cancer clinic again Wednesday, for his chemo. I think this is his 14th week. Then on Thursday he has another scope, to see what's happening in the esophagus. Food and liquids are getting stuck again, so it may be scar tissue from the radiation. They may need to stretch it.

I came home today to find him hauling the snowblower from the barn to the garage. He looked so fragile trying to do this, I was shocked. But I have to let him do what he can do, or he'll feel like an invalid.

Granted, he could be feeling worse than he does. If the exhaustion is all he has to deal with from the chemo, we are grateful. But I so hope this hell is worth it for him.

It has been a rough 48 hours in Egypt with SCAF attacking protestors, and people being killed, one a small boy. Seeing photos of SCAF beating women, dragging them by their hair, beating men, killing people... I am heart-sick. I always believed SCAF had an ulterior motive in standing by during the Mubarak overthrow, and I believed that they were not really with the people. I hoped I was wrong. But SCAF is now showing it's true colours and the regime is still alive.

It is time for the USA, and any other country, to cut funding and supplies to SCAF. Do not supply a military that brutalizes it's people!

Watching the tweets from Egyptians tonight, I feel so helpless. There is nothing I can do for them but stand by and watch their struggle. I know it's their struggle, not mine, but after almost a year watching and talking to them about this it has begun to feel a bit like my struggle too. I know other non-Egyptians are feeling as I do, helpless, angry, saddened.

I used to view the photos of the Egyptian protests with a kind of interested-but-detached way. Now I find myself scanning each photo, looking at each face, to see if I know anyone there. I check the names of those detained, attacked, injured, killed, to be sure that none of the Egyptians I've come to care about are there. When I don't read a post or a tweet from an Egyptian friend, I worry that they might be in a SCAF lockup.

My prayers and solidarity are with Egyptians as they continue to fight the regime that has oppressed them for over 30 years. We were all naive to believe it would be so easily won. The revolution continues, and one day they will win. Yalla, Egypt!

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Why is it that to obtain Peace we have to wage war? There is something seriously fucked up with mankind.